Stakeholder. Leverage. Consensus building. Paradigm shift. These are just a few of the words and phrases that drive some communications experts crazy when they pop up in fundraising appeals.
Most people will be puzzled when, for example, officials at a children’s hospital say their new building offers “streamlined, multidisciplinary outpatient care,” or when a social-service organization says it works to strengthen “community impact” and promote “best practices.” Some experts argue that such jargon tells potential donors next to nothing. And as people’s attention spans grow shorter, a direct-mail letter or an email littered with such phrases may fall flat with the people you want to reach.
“They just don’t have time for it,” said Claire Axelrad, a nonprofit fundraising and marketing consultant. “They are going to click the delete button or throw it in the garbage.”
Jargon often creeps into fundraising appeals because the authors become too comfortable with office parlance. They forget to think about whether people outside of the organization will understand the letter, email, tweet, or Facebook post.
Here is some advice from experts on how to avoid fancy or technical words that convey little.
1. Identify Problem Language
To determine if your appeal is loaded with jargon or confusing phrases, ask a simple question: Are these words that most people use? “If the answer is ‘no,’ that’s a big red flag,” said Dalya Massachi, who advises nonprofits on writing and helps with grants, fundraising pitches, and other communications.
If you find that certain parts of your pitch are tongue twisters — or would make someone pause, even momentarily — you should plug in simpler words or phrases, Ms. Massachi said. She cited an acronym that sums up how nonprofits should write fundraising appeals and other communications: KISSS — keep it short, simple, and skimmable. Most readers are not taking a hard look at direct mail or emails, she explained, so you need to get their attention fast.
Ms. Massachi also recommends flagging words with more than two syllables, to see if smaller words can be substituted. “Your writing is not to impress other people; it’s to engage other people,” she said.
2. Avoid Repeated Words
Another sign that buzzwords are infecting your copy: The same word or phrase appears repeatedly, according to Tony Proscio, associate director of research for Duke University’s Center for Strategic Philanthropy and Civil Society.
Other organizations are likely using the same words, and that can be problematic because people tend to tune out words they see routinely. “By and large, if a word is being overused, it’s probably jargon,” said Mr. Proscio, who has written extensively about jargon in philanthropy.
One tool to help you identify words that are used too much is the “Wordifier,” a searchable online database of about 14 million words drawn from the websites of more than 2,500 nonprofits. Claxon Marketing, a firm that trains nonprofits on communicating well, created the database. When people type a word into the tool, they are given a green, yellow, or red light — with green signaling the word is fine to use (because few charities use it), and red signifying it is overused. Yellow means use the word with caution.
3. Seek a Second Pair of Eyes
Have someone else, preferably several people, read your fundraising appeals and other communications to weed out jargon and technical language.
You don’t have to restrict those reviewing your writing to fellow employees. In fact, some of the test audiences should be donors, volunteers, or people who have no little or no connection to your nonprofit. “Have a new volunteer or donor [review appeals], because if donors have been with you for a while, they may not see the jargon,” said Erica Mills, chief executive of Claxon.
You should develop a system detailing who will review each draft of a fundraising appeal or other writing, Ms. Mills said. You may also want to indicate when someone outside of the office should review a draft.
Explain to reviewers that you want suggestions about structure and meaning as well as a check for spelling errors and typos, Ms. Massachi said.
4. Keep Track of Problem Words
Keep track of troublesome language that pops up repeatedly, so you can avoid it in the future, Ms. Mills said. Her firm built a template for nonprofits that it calls an “Organizational Lexicon,” which has a section in which charities can write in words or phrases to avoid.
Adding words to such a list can be collaborative, she said. Ms. Mills said she has led meetings in which staff and board members come up with the top 10 words and phrases the nonprofit uses often that they feel are least understandable.
But take care, says Mr. Proscio, that such efforts don’t devolve into arguments about words and phrases that reflect personal preferences. He once led a meeting with staff at a small foundation and invited employees to talk about language they used often that they should avoid. It got contentious quickly, he said.
“We spent the next hour and a half with all of them shouting each other down about words and phrases they didn’t like,” said Mr. Proscio, adding that many of the complaints were not about whether donors or others would understand certain words, but over aesthetic preferences or clichés.
Such concerns belong in a separate discussion, he said.
The lesson: If you’re going to build a list of taboo words, make sure it focuses on meaning and people’s understanding. Try to make the list is as small as possible, so it does not become unwieldy, Mr. Proscio said.
5. Be Respectful of Other Writers
If you’re a proponent for ending jargon at your organization, remember to approach other staff members with care. The goal should never be to put people down for their writing but to help them effectively reach donors and supporters, said Ms. Massachi. “It’s important to be sensitive,” she said. “It’s not about blaming anybody.”
So if you’re reviewing a fundraising pitch or other communication that is loaded with jargon, tread lightly.
Ms. Massachi’s advice is to start by telling the writer everything you liked, then pivot to constructive criticism. Using “I” statements is helpful, she said, such as “I think this piece could be stronger if you addressed this.” That’s opposed to statements that sound more accusatory, like “You did this wrong.”
And if you are on the receiving end of someone else’s edits, develop a thick skin. Editing is part of any good writing process, and your first draft is rarely perfect, Ms. Massachi said. Through all writing and editing, remember the ultimate goal: informing and inspiring your supporters.
